OTTAWA • Buffeted by the swirling winds of party discontent and a firestorm of criticism over his handling of a defamation suit, Stockwell Daywatch returned to Ottawa like a prodigal son. He insisted that the naysayers would soon see the light as he baptized the federal government's new legislative session in faithful fashion.

"I may be plagued by a host of locust critics on the left and the right -- Lorne Goddard, Tom Long, Myron Thompson, Jean Chretien -- but the more they attack me, the more I forgive them and pray for their tortured souls," said Mr. Daywatch.

"Following a righteous election campaign, godless Canadians failed to reward Him with the electoral gains he so desperately deserved," said Campaign chairman Jason Kenney.

"And now he has to bear the heavy cross of the massive, publicly-funded, libel-suit settlement and the emergence of new western separatist parties in Alberta and British Columbia," lamented Mr. Kenney.

"People just aren't getting to know the real Stock," said Kenney. "If we Canadians had had the good sense to elect a devout, fundamentalist Christian like our American cousins did last November when they gave Dubya their vote, then we would be reaping the same family value dividends now."