WINNIPEG • Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, Global TV is moving Baywatch, once one of the most popular television shows in the world, to Malibu North. The swimsuit staple of the syndicated television market has been a huge Global money maker, but is in desperate need of a facelift to make it relevant for today's viewers.

Sensitive to criticism that it is weak on Canadian content as it tries to steer the biggest media merger in the country's history through regulatory approval, Global is hoping to kill too seabirds with one stone by repackaging the Baywatch concept as the all-Canadian Daywatch. They have already launched a Daywatch webtoon at www.daywatch2000.com.

Not one to mess with a successful formula, Global's Daywatch spin-off will feature a bevy of buff-bodied shirtless lifeguards and bodacious beach-bunnies. The industry scuttlebutt is that Global is close to a high-profile casting coup in getting Alliance Leader Stockwell Day for the starring role as Mitch the hunky lifeguard (think David Hasselhoff).

Media analyst Flash Indapan said "Day is an natural for the part with his jet-skiing prowess and fun-loving freemarket antics. If Global can squeeze his buns into a Daywatch wetsuit they'll have a ratings monster on their hands."

With Stock in their sights for the lead role, Global is retooling the storylines to better leverage his catchy neoconservative ideology. The new and improved Daywatch lifeguards will serve the rich and powerful in society and protect their sunny private beaches from government tax pimps and other commie riff-raff.

The pilot episode features a swinging privatization party with a huge beach bonfire made from discarded social programs, such as public healthcare and pensions. The chicks will go wild as sexy Stock slings $250,000 dollar personal tax cuts to wealthy bank presidents from his jet-ski.

Just like on the original Baywatch, the homeless, the poor and regular folks will be kept far away from the social sellebration of the season by the watchful work of Stock and his crack team. When some of the unglamourous party-poopers complain that the millionaires' extravagant rewards were slashed from their food, housing and health programs, the cheeky lifeguards will send them away with self-help tapes and an admonition to "sink or swim."