OTTAWA • The Canadian Alliance is planning to build on their summer success in capturing the media spotlight with carefully staged events featuring Stockwell Day. Canadians can expect their airwaves to be flooded this fall with new camera-friendly opportunites, similar to one where Mr. Day appeared in a wetsuit riding a jet-ski.

The National Pulpit has obtained top secret Alliance strategy documents which detail the dramatic scenarios the party's media handlers are preparing for the election campaign.

One of the most elaborate media events is slated for Atlantic Canada where Mr. Day is hoping to woo back voters who were alienated when a member of the party's National Council called Easterners lazy.

In this carefully choreographed, but spontaneous news occasion at Halifax harbour, the confident Alliance leader will unwrap several exciting star candidates. Mr. Day will stroll down the docks to a lobster boat and invite several high-profile fishermen to become "fishers of men" as Alliance candidates-- promising to bring their righteous battle against renegade native poachers to the halls of Ottawa.

Then, to promote Nova Scotia's film industry and showcase the latest in local film special-effects technology, Mr. Day will walk across the water to the fishing boats to personally welcome his new candidates into the fold.

In an impromptu policy speech on the waterfront, Mr. Day will boldly proclaim that "blessed are the tax-cutters, because the rich deserve to inherit the earth." He'll also mercilessly ridicule "ye of little faith" who don't believe the Alliance has a hope in hell of capturing an Atlantic seat.

Mr. Day will host a last fundraising supper with the candidates before departing Down East. There is sure to be a plentitude of loaves and fishes to feed the assembled alliance acolytes and corporate apostles.

The evening will commence with a power prayer session, imploring the almighty to smite with vengeance and sink the boats of those unholy heathen that are fishing illegally. Mr. Day will then reach out to those lost souls, urging them to see the error of their ways and abandon their sinful demands for pagan treaty rights.

To demonstrate that natives could get a fair shake in an Alliance Canada once they see the light and embrace Christian Capitalism, Mr. Day will then welcome local natives to the $5000-a-plate affair for the same price as white people. Of course, they may be asked to sit at the back of the room with the gay attendees if their presence at the front table would make an important donor feel uncomfortable.

Mr. Day hosts supper event in Nova Scotia.