Queens Park • Faced by evidence that the poor are a growing problem in Ontario, a chastened Premier Mike Harris admitted that his government's approach has failed and pledged "to do everything in my considerable power to eradicate poverty."

Premier Harris said that he personally believes it is "unacceptable in a province as wealthy and successful as Ontario to have such miserable and visible levels of poverty."

"We have tried hard to reduce the poor in this province by cutting taxes on the rich and by reducing welfare rates, but I acknowledge that these efforts have failed and it's time to try a new approach," the Premier mumbled humbly.

"I am committing my government to an all-out war on poverty," said Harris "with a comprehensive bill that will attack this blight on society by making it a criminal offense in this province to be caught below the poverty line."

The legislation will also include stiff penalties for those who counsel others to commit poverty and it will outlaw groups who criminally conspire to portray the poor as human beings victimized by the system.

The bill will also provide special funding to educate children in Ontario's schools about the evils of the poor and include a "just say no to poverty" initiative in the curriculum.

"We owe it to our children to take serious and decisive action against this evil trend of organized poverty threatening our cherished harrisocratic institutions," claimed the Premier.

The Premier's aide, Maki Vellian noted that the law would be too late to prosecute the most recent actions of John Clarke and his gang of malicious thugs at OCAP, but said it would help prevent such anti-social crime sprees in the future.