As soon as the ayes are dotted and the swords are crossed, plain milquetoast ol' Conrad Black will be to the manor reborn as Lord Blackheart of Freedonia, Supreme Knight of the Extreme-Right Realm, CEO Companion to the Order of Union-Guts-for-Garters, Media Keeper of the Neo-Conservative Flame, Honorary Commander-in-Chief of the Royal Bloated Billionaires, and Captain of the Fascist-Bully-Boy Guard.

Freedonia (Inc.) is a small but strategically important corporate monarchy situated near Libertaria and Capitalistopia. On a recent vacation to Freedonia, Lord and Lady Blackheart-to-be were resting on their acquisitive laurels and sampling its world-renowned duck soup. They liked it so much they bought the country.

Although Black's aristocratic airs now seem secure, he is no stranger to tragedy in his unctuous quest for a truckling title. His previous attempt to blast into the noble firmament was grounded when Prime Minister Jean Chretien conspired against Black's prodigious personage and criminally thwarted his meteoric rise from common-millionaire origins.

Black's subsequent lawsuit against Chretien was the in-depth subject of a long-running, hard-hitting series of almost-award-winning investigative articles in the National Post.

Visibly relieved, Black spokesperson B.M. Lihkker announced that his boss had received the happy news with "customary equanimity and restraint." He added that Black had instructed his lawyers to proceed with the suit against Chretien "until they completely crushed that cretinous little shit from Shawinigan."

Chretien may also be subject to prosecution in Freedonia for Treasonable Libel before a Multinational Word-crimes Tribunal under the country's newly-passed Capital Anti-defamation Crime and Punishment law.